I don't even know how to start this post. 😂 😐 So here goes!
First - customs in case that's why you're here. I am going to do self-filmed customs of myself for the foreseeable future. Lucy drives 2 1/2 hours to assist me sometimes with filming, so doing the typical 6-hour shoot is most cost-effective for her, and right now doing a 6-hour shoot is a struggle for me (more on this later).
However, at the time of this post, I am pausing customs for myself until I have finished the ones that have been paid for already. I should have myself up for self-filmed customs again by June 1st. For those wondering what 'self-filmed customs' means, it's pictures or custom videos in which I can film them completely on my own - either by mounting the camera and doing different cuts to get the angles or closeups you want or by using a tripod. As an example, seeing the camera actually zoom in or have it following me as I walk isn't an option for the time being. Also, cranking videos are off the table at the moment because some cars are currently out of commission, and others will not cooperate the way I need them to as outlined in the script. I also cannot tolerate the extreme heat and humidity we have here in Alabama like I used to as I was diagnosed with asthma last year (which saddens me because I am also not able to do as much gardening as I once did 😢).
As for customs with other models, I know some have asked. I recently did one with Riley, and Laney is coming up next week. I do plan to do customs with other models, but I think I'm going to hold off until at least August and work on getting my shit together this summer. I will say it's not quite as easy getting shoots set up with others as some models have understandably moved on to their careers, are very busy in their normal everyday lives, or some just live too far away now after we moved in 2019.
Now, for the 'getting my shit together part.'
When I was younger, I was able to do so many custom videos in a typical 6-hour shoot. But now that I'm older (just turned 47 a couple days ago on the 22nd 🫣), I struggle. A lot of factors contribute to this. I'm out of shape. You'd never know I used to teach Zumba YEARS ago. 😭 I would twist my ankle if I tried it now. I need to eat healthier and lose weight. I need to be consistent about taking my medications (for allergies & asthma especially) and supplements, like Vitamin D because blood work in April showed it was low. I always joke that if I needed to remember to take medication that saves my life, I will probably be dead. "Good memory" is not in the list of characteristics to describe myself. 😏
I need to get better sleep so I am not so sleepy all the time (cats!). Though hormones also play a big role in the sleepy/lethargic department since I am perimenopausal. And that adds a whole other level of suck because I will randomly be really sad or extremely irritated for no reason, or I'm dealing with the physical symptoms of perimenopause, and it is beyond frustrating. As guys, I totally don't expect you to understand this, and be glad you don't have to go through it. It just sucks, and it is so hard to drag myself in front of the camera when I am depressed or not feeling well. I wish I could be the Scarlet I was just 5 years ago because that Scarlet knocked shit out and got it done! That Scarlet was unstoppable! 💪 Today's Scarlet sometimes wonders if she has the energy to cook dinner or get a shower.
Gone are the days I do 6-hour shoots because I don't have the mental capability or the psychical stamina to do that anymore. Maybe if I didn't have to fight to get into some of my outfits or boots... 😂 Heck, some days I struggle to put my pajama pants on without tripping all over myself. 😂 No, seriously... balance is also something I seem to struggle with the older I get, and I find myself tripping (or running into things!) while barefoot or in my sneakers outside when I do yard work (currently sporting a nice bruise on my right knee to prove this point!). Of course, not having such a large stomach would help a little with putting outfits on... but I can't seem to do what's necessary to lose weight.
I think, as we get older and can't do quite what we used to anymore, and our hormones start changing (I know you guys have lower testosterone as you age), this is what ques the midlife crisis phase. If I'm being honest, sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore or what I want to do with my life. I don't want to go all doom & gloom on you, and I am not in some dark, bad place. It's just something I need to work through and sort rather than just sticking my head in the sand because that's what I do every time things stress me out too much and I don't want to think too hard about things.
I have reread this post and tweaked it many times before posting, and I just hope this somewhat makes sense to the average person out there. If not, some of y'all are looking at your screen like I have lost my ever-loving mind. 😂 I promise some of it's still here. 😂 In looking for the above meme, I found out this dilemma has an actual term: ADHD task paralysis. Knowing is half the battle right? 🤔 Heading to Grok after this post to do a little research for some tips. I mean, you would think it can't be THAT hard to focus and just do something, right? My brain apparently doesn't have the ability to focus too long, and distractions run high here. I have been working on this post off and on all day now. 😂😐
2026 has presented a lot of challenges so far, some of which involve the fetish work I've done for the past 22 years - and that triggers a slight panic that adds to my midlife crisis. This is what I know and (used to) do well. I have no plans of stopping, so long as I am still able to do what I do. So I am having to navigate these little hiccups along the way.
I will be okay. Don't read into this more than what it is: me rambling about life stuff that ultimately affects the work stuff I do for Fanta Productions. I hope most of the issue is perimenopausal symptoms that will subside with either time or HTR if I decide to go that route.
This means for now, doing a few customs here and there rather than my scheduled, longer 6-hour shoots - until I am able to focus better with higher energy levels. There is so much more I could say, but I think this is a good spot to wrap it up. Hopefully this doesn't burst your bubble of the image you have of Scarlet in your head. 😌
I want to say a big thank you to those that I've already spoken with and have been super understanding and supportive. You really have no idea how much that helps. I mean that! Keep me in your thoughts because I will be on the flip side of this phase eventually. ❤️ Please feel free to email me if I am not the only one going through a midlife crisis right now! I would love to hear from you.
